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ARTFUL SMATTERINGS AND EXISTENTIAL RAMBLINGS



Backward

july has been wacky

most of my time has been spent thinking and writing about tour. and even if i go a day without writing i am still thinking about it. like i put my life on hold and have been living in the recent past all month. i am *stoked* this tour diary exists in the world. but it’s not the whole story. i can’t help but feel a tad dishonest. i’ve eaten a lot of my feelings for the sake of not making it too personal. eventually i’ll write the “real” story, my story anyway, and publish it on some small press in mexico under a pseudonym so no one i know will ever read it, maybe in a year or so. i finally know what it feels like to be a “busy” person. headaches, lots of headaches, and little sleep. i’ve gone to maybe three shows. my sister is back from china and we’ve been going on writing dates, editing each other’s work. she’s working on a novel based on her experiences in china. i’ve never really had a relationship like that with someone and it has been absolutely wonderful. meanwhile a bunch of friends have been making amazing stuff and i want to share it while it’s on my mind.

- the first demo by ALICE, three rad girls in brooklyn whom i don’t see enough. i got to see them play last month on liz’s birthday and it made me so warm and fuzzy inside. i hear echoes of black tambourine. liz introduced me to them as her favorite band when i moved in with her the summer of 2011, the summer that changed my life.

- SUNO DEKO’s new 7-inch ep THROWN COLORS. i met david in atlanta on tour with couples counseling and pariuh. he is not only an incredible human but he also makes beautiful music that will goo up your insides.

did you know david is also a fantastic writer? he wrote this thing for portals, effortlessly gliding between personal thought/experience and observer. i love the description and indulgence in commas in the first part. fuck periods, you know? this rings so true for me as well.

"…his invitation to play the festival bent every bone in the body of my understanding of what kindness is, and generally what it is that I am doing making music at all. I have never had the experience of meeting so many people in such a short amount of time and so instantly and without ceremony connecting with them. There was some magic there, or just a large unspoken knowledge, or a recognition of a true and fathomless self in the other people there. Fluidly, we knew each other as if we had never not known each other. There is a quiet part of me that wishes that everyone who hears music can know the people that make it, know them deeply, so that the place within them that the music calls forth, all of the strings and tethers that get pulled and untied, can belong to a visceral human place and not just dispersed into the ether.”

- RADIATOR HOSPITAL’s new full-length TORCH SONG. one my fav bands in philly, reminding me of why i don’t just run back to boston, even though i want to, every day. raw and real punk rock romance.

- THE LENTILS new lp MY PILLOW LAVA PART ONE: MY DEAF SON out on the great feeding tube records. luke’s new band. wowza. i was lucky to catch them on tour with fat creeps in philly. like if the velvet underground covered happy jawbone family band, can you imagine?

not necessarily new stuff but things i’ve encountered in the past month.

- RYAN POWER. i finally got a chance to see them live and boy was it a treat. total euphoria. just listen.

- HIGH POP. connecticut freak rock. wow. i just can’t get enough.

- THE NO NOS. awesome new fun ‘n spunky lady-fronted philly band. they have no internet presence at the moment.

so much i am probably leaving out. whatever no one reads my tumblr.

CLOUD BECOMES YOUR HAND » “SAND OF THE SEA”

ROCKS OR CAKES (2014)

truths: art pt. 3

Linger in the past only as long as it activates you. Grasp the present fearlessly.

TWELVE CUBIC FEET » “JAYWALKING”

DEMO (1983)

poem on the road to ashville

every moment is precious, I think

in fact I am obsessed with moments

the peculiarities of each person around me

I am the writer

I have come to be in your space

my directness can be unsettling

I am sorry for that

I want to know you

I want to know about you so I can know you

tell me your favorite jazz standard

I Didn’t Know What Time It Was, you say

but I want more

I want to know how you say it

the sound of your floating voice

how your eyes look

how your eyes make me feel when you look at me

when I am observing you

I love the world

  • I found some old, half-finished disposable cams in my room circa ‘06. Turns out they made for fun blown-out, super grainy photographs. These are from a trip to Brooklyn last fall.

  • Dream

    This morning I dreamt I almost died. Not like I just missed being hit by a car or escaped a psychopathic killer, but death itself was coming for me. The way I knew I was about to die was that my tumblr account had deactivated on its own. I had this realization in my parents’ bedroom of my childhood home. I walked into the hallway and told someone about it, I don’t remember whom, and I was crying and saying that I didn’t want to die. I wasn’t ready to. Suddenly I was lying on my back on a sidewalk in a city, it felt like New York, and I could feel death with me. My eyes were closed. I felt myself floating upward and the blackness give way to a white light and suddenly I was no longer afraid. I was happy and comforted. Then back on the ground I noticed a candy bar near me. I started eating it, and I began coming back to this world. I was sad because I was no longer experiencing the euphoria of death. On the second floor balcony of what I imagine was an apartment building stood my ex-boyfriend and his friends smoking cigarettes, and someone threw a lit one down at me. I wanted to express what I just experienced but I was having a hard time doing so. I got a text message later that mentioned Lou Reed and how “last night was crazy.”

    so on

    twice, at the same time
allston, january 2013